As parents, we often assess our children and their constant changes to determine “is this normal?” It is hard to know! All children have different personalities, different levels of maturity at any given age, and different levels of reactions to the stresses of life. But when a problem has come up and it’s not going away, how do you know when it’s time to get your child in to therapy?
When it’s medically related, we have the ease of calling the nurse or scheduling an appointment with their pediatrician to have someone answer that question of “is this normal?” Emotional and behavioral changes can be harder to assess and difficult to know when it is appropriate to bring in a mental health professional. Perhaps it is just a phase, or a struggle that will dissipate with time. But postponing accessing therapy for your child for a problem that already feels overwhelming can build stress and frustration for both you and your child.
Here are some tips to help you know when it is a good time to find a trusted provider and make an appointment:
- If your child’s behaviors (tantrums, defiance, isolation, school refusal, etc) have lasted more than a couple of weeks, are frequent, and are disruptive to you and/or your child’s life.
- If your child’s outward emotions frequently seem out of the blue, outsized for the current situation, last for long amounts of time with difficulty in being able to calm down, or are accompanied by statements of wanting to die or hurt themselves.
- If your child has become isolative, shut down, or is refusing to talk while also demonstrating low mood or high stress.
- If you notice your child has a marked change in their eating and sleeping habits, school attendance, hygiene, social interest, or motivation.
- If your child has expressed feeling overwhelmed with problems that you, as a parent, don’t feel equipped to help them with.
- If you are aware that your child has experienced a traumatic event (including abuse, medical diagnosis, divorce, loss of friend group, death, natural disaster or home crisis)
One of your greatest gifts, as a parent, is knowing your child and having the parental intuition to determine what they need. Follow your gut and reach out for support for your child when you sense they need it. You may have to confront your own stigmas surrounding counseling, deal with resistance from your child when presenting the idea of talking to someone, or find time in your schedule to fit another appointment. You will find that these are hurdles that can be overcome. Therapy can often be like a massage: it is initially used to address pain and discomfort and bring relief from tension that has built up. But is also something that is soothing, allowing you to walk away feeling lighter, with pressure relieved.
At Willow Tree Mental Health, we make access to therapy as easy and un-intimidating as possible. Once you reach out via phone or email, we will schedule a phone consultation to hear about your concerns and determine if one of our therapists is a good fit for your child’s struggles. Our first appointment is generally with the child and parent(s) and is an opportunity for us to hear all about your child: we will discuss their struggles but we also want to hear about their strengths, their interests, their friends and family dynamics, their experiences at school, their developmental history, and their own concerns and wishes. We aim to make this first exposure to therapy a positive, affirming, supportive experience for both you and your child.
We are also available for parent coaching if you want help for yourself in knowing how to handle your child’s new developmental stage or current stressor. A confident, supportive parent is a great gift and asset for any child.
If your child is experiencing any of the difficulties mentioned above, or you, as a parent, are feeling overwhelmed with your job of ushering your child through their current stage, don’t hesitate to take that first step to reach out for support.
Additional Resources:
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/signs-your-child-may-need-a-therapist
https://www.cdc.gov/children-mental-health/treatment/index.html
https://www.parents.com/kids/health/childrens-mental-health/signs-your-child-should-see-a-therapist-for-stress/